I don’t usually post much about my recovery but I think it’s important to tell my followers or whoever. So after being clean and sober for almost 3 years, I relapsed. I thought that maybe I can do it again and this time I can control it, but it was not true and it will never be true. Being young and being in sobriety and being clean is really hard for me to accept and do but, I have to because I this disease lives within me. The day after I got high, I already wanted more and was planning when to do it again. I honestly wanted to do anything that involved self destruction and was already starting. My friends are already asking me if I want to get high and drink with them and with every disease driven cell want to say yes. I woke up the addict inside and it’s going to be really hard trying to shut it up or calm it down. I don’t want to go back to the person I was 3 years ago, that person scares the shit out of me, nor do I want to lose everything I have fought so hard to get. So I’m gunna need a lot of support and recovering vibes sent my way because I honestly cannot do this alone.
(Source: , via itsrecoverymama)
I believed for a long time that I could not change. I had given up hope that a miracle would happen if I just wished hard enough. I thought drunken misery was my destiny and that nothing would ever get better. Then one day I just had enough, I finally had enough of my own bullshit. Even I wasn’t believing my excuses anymore. If I was truly sick and tired of being sick and tired then it was up to me to get myself well.
That’s the thing with addiction, you have to be ready to recover. Sobriety is not going to happen until you get fed up with yourself. When you finally get tired of being the liar, cheater, cry baby, asshole, lunatic that your addiction has turned you into you will be ready to recover. When you’re ready to recover, great things like life will begin to happen, but you have to be ready for it and you have to be the one to do it.
I’m alive, out of the hospital, and starting fresh. Medication free until I get the right psychiatrist. Putting Peace Bonds on people who cause me to trigger. Getting my wisdom teeth out and finally getting new glasses. Moving into a new home on the 3rd/4th of October.
I’m lucky to be alive and grateful for all the support I’ve received. To those who have or do doubt me, watch me rise again from the ashes of all I’ve burnt down mad become reborn; A living example of a Phoenix. I couldn’t have done this without the support of so many people, far too many to name. But those of you who have sent encouragement, love, magick , prayer, and spells to help me: You have not been forgotten and you are my saviours.
I will be okay. @crimsonaura told me that maybe everything is falling apart so it can fall into place. I believe him. I know now that I can be and do anything I set my mind too.
So, here’s to me, because I’m alive and here to stay, and I deserve to be alive.
Sending love, light, faeries and magick your way,
#personal #alive #restarting #reborn #phoenix #risefromtheashes #recovery #trying #proud #love #quoteoftheday
You are wonderful, your abusers are not